[It's hard to think when he's turned on but he's not so far gone he's not still invested in this conversation He takes a deeper breath, now that he's allowed to a little. And then raises both hands to frame Dokja's face and pull his head down, meeting his eyes. Voice still thick with arousal but also intense, trying to make a point.]
've been nothing but... A vessel. Fucktoy. Tool. Doll. Sacrifice. All my life. Since... Forever. Never been a person. Never... Never. Most of my stories... Aren't pleasant. They suck, even. I suck too.
But even--even so. Someone like me exists. And wants to keep existing.
So why not you? Whoever Kim Dokja is or whatever, that can be figured out. Isn't... Isn't it just enough to want to? Doesn't being unsure about it mean you want to?
It's okay to exist. Whatever or whoever you are is--it's whatever. It isn't as important as you actually being around to figure it out.
What--what I'm saying is it's okay for things to suck, it's okay even if you suck, you're allowed to still want to be alive anyway.
[Saying this is hard. Not just because he's a little choked. It's emotionally difficult to admit a lot of that and the struggle is obvious, the tears at the corners of his eyes from too much feelings, the sheer terror of saying stuff like that out loud to someone like this. Because admitting these things is vulnerability. Because if Kim Dokja rejects that premise, it will be a little too personal. Hurt a little too deeply.
But even if it means hurting, who else is going to tell Kim Dokja he's allowed to want to exist? He didn't have a twin to drag him through things. Whatever mental barrier he did have isn't around now either, so even if he's not really alone, what's the difference if he feels alone?]
no subject
've been nothing but... A vessel. Fucktoy. Tool. Doll. Sacrifice. All my life. Since... Forever. Never been a person. Never... Never. Most of my stories... Aren't pleasant. They suck, even. I suck too.
But even--even so. Someone like me exists. And wants to keep existing.
So why not you? Whoever Kim Dokja is or whatever, that can be figured out. Isn't... Isn't it just enough to want to? Doesn't being unsure about it mean you want to?
It's okay to exist. Whatever or whoever you are is--it's whatever. It isn't as important as you actually being around to figure it out.
What--what I'm saying is it's okay for things to suck, it's okay even if you suck, you're allowed to still want to be alive anyway.
[Saying this is hard. Not just because he's a little choked. It's emotionally difficult to admit a lot of that and the struggle is obvious, the tears at the corners of his eyes from too much feelings, the sheer terror of saying stuff like that out loud to someone like this. Because admitting these things is vulnerability. Because if Kim Dokja rejects that premise, it will be a little too personal. Hurt a little too deeply.
But even if it means hurting, who else is going to tell Kim Dokja he's allowed to want to exist? He didn't have a twin to drag him through things. Whatever mental barrier he did have isn't around now either, so even if he's not really alone, what's the difference if he feels alone?]