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Say ".....Not from a Jedi." in a sister tone of voice.

And what exactly is a "sister tone of voice"?

You know, vague and foreboding, like you're the villain and the audience knows it but the person you're talking to doesn't yet.

Oh SINISTER. that makes way more sense.

[ Remember when you said he doesn't need to resist the urge to send pictures. remember that kim dokja. He's getting Many Texts now ]

Just woke up from an unexpected nap. Truly refreshing! By the way, did you have a good night's sleep? Good stories must be properly nurtured in order to shine brightly. Make sure to rest and eat well!

[ Attached is a selfie of Brant smiling and giving a thumbs up to the camera ]

Edited 2025-07-06 10:53 (UTC)

[ A LITTLE LATER ]

Look at the sky! I saw this cloud, and it reminded me of you! Beautiful, isn't it?

[ attached is a picture of the sky - the only cloud up there could very vaguely look cat shaped if you have a lot of imagination. He helpfully added a sticker of a cat ]

Edited 2025-07-06 11:08 (UTC)

[ and then again... ]

Master, did you manage to get that Terminal to Lyle as well? We should make a group chat and send each other pictures! I've found a beautiful rock while walking today.

[ and attached is, of course, another selfie with brant holding up a perfectly round shaped rock ]

Edited 2025-07-06 11:09 (UTC)

[ the next selfie is just him under what looks like an improvised spotlight ]

The sun's shining brightly today and it's inviting me to perform! I'll craft a truly exciting monologue for when we next meet!

Edited 2025-07-06 11:09 (UTC)

[ This selfie, instead, is a close up of the earrings Kim Dokja got for him ]

I haven't thanked you properly for these yet, have I? A symbol of commitment, a truly beautiful gift chosen by my master for me! I do like how they look on me.

Next time I should be the one to gift you something. But what do you like? You should tell me!

Edited 2025-07-06 11:09 (UTC)

[ assume he's going to get 5 more selfies during the day but this is going to be the LAST one and it's him at the library ]

This library here truly feels endless! I wonder what sort of stories you'd like to share with me?

Edited 2025-07-06 20:03 (UTC)

[... this is both very endearing and cute but also very Why This...]

For the record... if you want to send this all in one batch in the future, I would not mind that? I won't always been available to look at things and response so quickly...

If I send them all in one batch, then I won't be able to share what I was feeling at the moment I took the picture! That's the whole point of it, isn't it?

Just write it down in an on-going notepad on your phone? and then send it all at once?

That still wouldn't have the same spontaneity. But it's a request from my master, then I shall simply have to oblige!

Did you like the pictures?

[... actually going to go look at them again.

some of them... the earrings one... embarrassing...?]

I did. They're very well done.

[ do objectives hit even via text, or is he just happy to read that? A MYSTERY. But Kim Dokja is IMMEDIATELY getting another selfie with brant smiling at him and then a heart emoji ]

❤️

[......................... what is even happening. what is his life. why are his Servants like this. there are many questions Kim Dokja has but more importantly... how to respond?

...

]

👍

[ This is just your life now Kim Dokja. It's what you get for taking on extroverts as servants ]

Is that approval I read? I shall make sure to send you even more! Tomorrow's another day, and there's beauty to behold in every corner of this fair little town of ours.

Though if it's pictures of me that you prefer, then I shall deliver those as well. You still haven't told me what sort of gift I should give you!

I don't need anything in particular?

And you can send whatever you'd like. Just try to keep it tasteful?

Master, are you worried I will send you something inappropriate and spicy?

Edited 2025-07-08 20:45 (UTC)

I have no idea what you consider appropriate or not?

[ on one hand kim dokja is extremely fun to tease. ON THE OTHER he doesn't want to make him uncomfortable. Such difficult decisions to make ]

Should I just show you and send pictures of various degrees of appropriate until we hit something I would consider not appropriate?

you don't have to send anything like that at all, is more the point?

[ he wants to see his face so bad. ]

I'll be on my best behavior. But you truly make it too fun to tease you, Master!

[no no this is his safe place of not being seen]

I could say the same for you? Are you sure you want to tease me so much?

I won last time, and I would surely win again!

[ Never mind that he caught on fire. that's in the past ]

That tactic's not always going to work.

[ he's getting another selfie at that - this time, it is a fully shirtless one where he is absolutely giving him bedroom eyes ]

Even if I were to kiss you again?

[the real question here is why his Servants can all approach if not tap Yu Junghyeok's face because a man would like to not look very hard at his own sexuality all the time, but in fact, this place...]

That's part of the tactic, isn't it?
It won't always work.

[ no comments or scolding for the picture he sent him ... he must be embarrassed. ]

If you get used to it, that's not bad either though, is it? But rather than being drawn into the spotlight, if you like that more, I can also just give you a show, Master.

[DO NOT PERCEIVE

ACTUALLY WHY IS THIS EVEN MORE PERCEIVING???]

I don't need something like that? Shouldn't you be saving talk like this for Lyle Above?

[ serving this on a silver platter... this is exactly why he's so fun to tease ]

Oh, is that the show you want?

[

he has made a mistake somewhere.]

That's another victory for Brant of the Troupe of Fools! I'll send all my pictures in one go tomorrow.

💜

[Kim Dokja, don't start thinking of ways you can end your Servant's life--not literally, just...]

Thank you for your consideration.

[ When Kim Dokja either goes in or OUT of his apartment, he will be greeted by what looks like a hologram, but is really just a piece of Anaxa's soul leaving a message for him ]

I wish to talk to you. If you are amenable to that, then meet me at the library. If you do not show up, then at least I will have done something productive with my time.

[..................... was not expecting to be jumpscared by the consequences of his own actions like this.

pokes at the hologram.]

Is this a one-way sort of communication?

[SIMPLY IGNORE ALL THE INCOMING AWKWARD.]

[ the hologram is not solid, and the part he tries to touch will glitch as he does that ]

This is simply a recorded message. Through the power of alchemy, I have used part of my soul and turned into gold. In other words, every time I “speak”, an equivalent part of my soul is being consumed.

Do not make me wait too long. And now, the objective is complete.

[ with that, the hologram simply disappears ]

[...........

on the one hand, he wants to be contrary and not go just because of that last part.

on the other hand, THIS COMPLICATED FEELING OF UPSET ABOUT HEARING ABOUT SOUL CONSUMPTION JUST NOW????

so yeah, he's going to the library but he doesn't look very happy.]

[ He on the other hand looks SURPRISED when he spots Kim Dokja, obviously not expecting him to actually show up ]

Oh.

Edited 2025-08-29 05:24 (UTC)

[don't look at him like that!!!]

Haven't you heard of leaving a note?

[INSTEAD OF USING UP YOUR SOUL?]

Had I left just a note, would you have shown up? Using my soul ensured you'd have to hear my voice, and that only you would have been able to receive this invitation.

Do not worry so. The amount of my soul that was consumed is negligible. And now that I have your attention, I would rather not waste it by talking about something so trivial.

[ like soul consumption. nothing to see clearly ]

I didn't ask for you to waste your soul on something so useless?

[ crossing his arms at his chest, looking at him ... urge to argue and get into yet another catty fight RISING so much he's almost regretting doing this at all. ]

mm. I will develop a better method, should there be a next time.

But since you are clearly determined to avoid talking about anything meaningful, let me stop this farce and get to the reason I called to you in the first place.

Despite the unpleasantness of those candies, I had an enjoyable time with you. And I meant to thank you for it.

[the mood in fact is Resist The Urge To Get Into Another Catty Bitch Fight. weird how candies that turned off their thoughts actually mitigated this a lot?

Kim Dokja having to bite back "Didn't I command you to enjoy it though?" because... "unpleasantness"... is this guy saying every other person was kind of a shithead about those candies?

guy needs better people around him]

I'm not trying to avoid talking about anything meaningful. If you didn't notice, even when affected like that, I'm not that interested in people harming themselves when it comes to doing something for or toward me. That's all it is.

[and then for the more embarrassing thing to say as he crosses his own arms]

... if you found it to be a positive experience, then... I'm glad.

[wow. it was way more embarrassing than he expected, actually]

Edited 2025-08-29 15:50 (UTC)

[ He very clearly is just as embarrassed, because his face goes visibly RED. His frown does nothing to hide it ]

I did notice. And it is part of why I wanted to thank you. With the power you had in your hands, you could have easily commanded me to do worse.

… but you made me stop thinking in a positive way. And I can admit I might have needed that.

... was everyone else just so terrible with how they used those candies?

Should I be bringing this to the attention of your master?

[actually asking instead of just doing it because honestly... he's not even sure. mildly respecting the guy's boundaries here? maybe?]

They were not terrible. I was. You just might be one of the few people I am not able to manipulate into doing what I want.

[ he’s trying to appear flippant but there is a flash of worry when he asks if he should involve his master ]

Edited 2025-08-29 16:06 (UTC)

[x to doubt it just being Anaxa. the man was full of the not thinking and therefore anyone who was capable of thinking should be responsible???]

Few people are able to manipulate me like that.

That does not surprise me. You are infuriating, but you are perceptive. And spiteful enough that you’d refuse as soon as you notice the attempt.

We are very similar, after all.

[horrible thing to admit to aloud...]

... I can't deny that at this point.

Then what is it for you? How do you seek your own oblivion?

[ a pause, then he adds ]

You do not have to answer. I simply wish to understand you.

[looks around the library because.

honestly, it hurts more to admit it to anyone who doesn't really get it?]

... I've already obtained it, once.

My stories were scattered, and the story I wanted to continue would be able to continue because of it. I wouldn't have to be... Kim Dokja any longer.

But something happened, a story somewhere agreed to help a princess with her story, and so.

[gestures at himself, a bit bitterly.]

--it's not that I don't wish there couldn't be another way to go about it. Or that I'm still--... I haven't... settled... on which direction to go about it going forward.

[but also, pursuing Queen for the power for it, regardless.]

[ He doesn’t know what “stories” are, in this context, but he can get the gist of it. He can tell what the heart of the matter is.

They truly are similar ]

You do not need to justify such a feeling with me.

To embrace death, or to live on.

I am also not sure of which path I wish to take.

[and this is why it's... easier.

other people ask questions, trying to convince him not to, or even challenge him on stopping his wish for Queen if it should go in that direction.

it's... weirdly awkward but not to not meet the resistance there.]

At the very least, as a Master, if I get to Queen, I'll have to ensure my Servants' wishes are cared for. Beyond that...

[yeah, still doesn't know.]

Do not forget that I fully intend on obtaining that power for my master. We are still on opposing ends.

That said …

I will not say something as ridiculous as “shed your old identity, and make a new one for yourself”. I know full well how impossible that is. But if I cannot wish happiness for myself, perhaps I can wish it for you instead.

Can someone who can't wish for happiness for themselves wish happiness for others?

Do not be so dense. You wish the same for your Servants, do you not? Even if you do think you can be in the picture for it.

My Master is not different in that regard.

I used the wrong word for that question.

Rather than "can", meaning "capable", the question should be should.

The answer to that is also "yes". Anyone who is not capable of wishing for other people's happiness lacks empathy and humanity.

And that is something I despise.

[...................... don't say it. don't pick the fight. but he is just kind of dead-eyed staring Anaxa down because YOU THINK YOU HAVE ROOM TO JUDGE OTHERS ON THEIR HUMANITY, HUH?]

... most people would find it hypocritical, is what I'm saying.

[ he can tell Kim Dokja must be holding himself back so he will not be even more pedantic and continue on this debate no matter how much he wants to. He's already coming up with arguments and follow up questions in his head but he has to be good. He's here for PEACE ]

Then let's just say that I do not care if it's hypocritical or not. I will wish for you to find happiness regardless of whether it's acceptable for me to do so or not.

Besides, feuding with you has truly been exhausting.

At least you're smarter than others have been in that area.

[

]

Edited 2025-09-02 19:38 (UTC)

Do not make me regret my words already.

Over a compliment?

Wasn't it more a compliment to yourself than it was to me? If you're going to compliment me, do it properly.

[... the moment of wondering if he buttonmashed a certain compliment enough that it might have lingering effects (this will happen in our other thread once not at work)]

Hm...

I can admit you're very beautiful, still.

[ how

dare

HE!?

There are no lingering effects. Not from the candy, at least. The compliment does not give him any extra pleasure and yet it's effective all the same - a mix of memories resurfacing and just embarrassment. He very quickly looks away, his entire face red as he's frowning, trying to hide the embarrassment as best as he can ]

[... heh.

got 'im.]

Was that better?

Do not interrupt me. Even my silence is worth listening to.

[ Saying that hits a taboo and it is clear with the way his expression looks pained, but he's so embarrassed and he just as clearly needs time to sort himself out. He's even hiding his face for a moment, but once he's gathered the words back all he can come up with is weak ]

And do not be so smug.

[frowns because hey. hey, why hitting taboos when that's not the goal here?]

... that's like asking the sky not to be blue.

That is exactly why you are so infuriating.

. . .

But I will accept that compliment.

Well, good.

... just because I say it to get a reaction doesn't mean it's insincere.

Do not forget that my beauty is the one "nice" thing about myself I could say back then. You are hardly the first to compliment my beauty. It is my personality that has ever been a problem.

[ but that doesn't make the praise any less effective because yes, he's still embarrassed ]

I am a fair teacher, and so I can admit that you are also reasonably attractive.

... the way you're putting that make it feel like I was seeking compliments when I definitely wasn't?

[ HE'S FROWNING BUT HIS FACE IS STILL RED ]

Just take the compliment, Kim Dokja.

[but being called "reasonably attractive" after telling someone they're beautiful is such a step down? like, wouldn't it just have been fine to not have said anything? it's not like he thinks he's unattractive...

and this is why Kim Dokja stole a handful of "Stop Thinking" candies]

Thanks.

Anyway... if you wanted a truce, then let's actually make a point of how that should look?

If you are crossing a line enough that it'd infuriate me, I will tell you. And you will do the same.

That should be enough.

[............... this presumes Kim Dokja ever knows when lines are getting crossed before he's over them, um.]

Alright.

Edited 2025-09-02 21:19 (UTC)

Lyle said something about "negotiating limits". Perhaps we should think of that.

[you're killing your master, Lyle!]

... if you insist. Please go ahead.

[ why is he supposed to start? He's going to just stare at Kim Dokja ]

...

...

I do not know mine.

[YOU'RE THE ONE WHO SUGGESTED IT???]

...

That seems to be a problem on both sides of this.

Then that was obviously a terrible suggestion. I will grade him on it.

I think he's just used to people who have any sense of boundaries...

No matter. We have reached enough of an understanding that surely, we should be fine for at least a few days.

Edited 2025-09-02 22:21 (UTC)

... a few days... maybe.

If you want to understand me better then you can simply ask questions.

You're pretty judgemental of people who don't immediately grasp concepts without taking into account why they might not be very good at them?

[listen, he KNOWS he's bad at metaphors...]

I am a teacher. If you are sincerely having a difficult time grasping such concepts, then I will take more time to explain.

The students I leave behind are those who are far more interested in glory or political power than enlightenment. If you have a true interest for knowledge and truth ... I will never withhold it.

So tell me, then. What is it that makes a reader, such as yourself, having a difficult time with metaphors?

Edited 2025-09-03 08:00 (UTC)

[............... no, he hates this question, actually.

he should have kept his mouth shut.]

It really more just a preference...?

I don't mind rereading stories to better understand what the author's trying to convey? And I will usually understand it at some point. But it's when someone expects immediate understanding when there's so many angles to read a story from that I get annoyed.

Edited 2025-09-03 15:55 (UTC)

[ he's quiet for a few long moments, like he's taking in consideration Kim Dokja's words. And then, finally ]

I see. In that case, do you wish me to explain the metaphor? The context behind it, as well as the meaning of my world.

You do not need to say yes. It was not truly that important.

I understood it better when I understood why you set me off so much.

... Because I remind you of yourself? Or something else?

I wouldn't have gone about things the way you have.

... but there are similarities.

You do not know how I actually went on about things. I have only given you a vague metaphor, and no more details.

Since you did not ask.

I will ask you, then. How did you go about it?

[........... this is a trap.

quiet for a long moment.]

I refused to be used as a pawn.

Except that it seems that that was part of the whole arrangement in the first place.

I was selective with who survived the first Scenario and I continued to be someone who didn't care for things like "saving the world". I left that to other people who were more earnest with that.

Explain these terms to me. Tell me again what you mean, but by using words that someone who has no idea what you are could understand.

Even if I can gather the meaning behind your words through context, I do not wish to leave room for misunderstanding. So please, go on.

[... this is also a frequent critique of himself. sighs.]

The Scenarios is something that causes an apocalypse in the world the <Star Stream> broadcasts. It's a system that records and shows the broadcasts of the events of the apocalypse, the Scenarios, to the watching gods and legends called Constellations.

Basically, the first of the Scenarios was one where people had to kill a living organism to survive.

People killed what they could, including humans themselves. I was stuck in a train car with a bunch of commuters, people returning home from work, when it started. There was a kid who had insects in a case. Only five at most. But one had eggs. I could have divvied it out to all of the people there--men, women, children. But instead, I cashed in on killing all the eggs myself and only four others survived.

Those are the kinds of decisions I would make throughout the apocalyptic Scenarios.

Something like "Save the World", I left that for different people who refused to give up such an idealistic view of the world. Instead, I worked with the runners of the Scenarios and even became a Constellation myself. All to get to the end of the Scenarios to tear it all down.

I see. So the situation in my world could very well be described as a "Scenario" as well.

And you have worked your way up to becoming one of the puppeteers behind the scenes, in order to put a stop to that spectacle. Is that correct?

No. I did make my way up and dismantled the "spectacle".

But also. The end result, the reason my stories scattered, and the whole reason why the Scenarios existed and occurred in the first place... they're because I did not want the story to end.

... so you could say I am the puppeteer behind it all. I just didn't know it until then.

[and he's so... feeling some way about it.]

In other words, you are the god who is responsible for other people's suffering.

Bingo!

[ that explains so much. No wonder this man hates himself. It'd be easier if he actually wanted to be responsible for it, but he clearly does not ]

... and these "stories" cannot end until you do, too. But you had to come back because one of them needed you. Correct?

[so so so so many apocalypses, but even worse was the crimes of tormenting certain people without knowing, just by existing. just by reading. a story.]

I don't know exactly what happened with that.

A princess with a library at the edge of the universe... servants of hers asked for help. A story of mine must have answered, because I ended up in that library.

... and I'm still fairly sure. That library's story wasn't altogether different from some things I know.

Do you know what happened after? Have you already reached the "end" of your story?

I don't know.

And my story continued here.

The story I wanted to continue... I assume is continuing, since I am still... here.

[can reread forever even unconsciously and therefore...]

Your story is overly complicated, the twist is simply annoying, and it is in bad taste.

I will make things very unpleasant for you again if you keep up the commentary.

[it's an insult to the author and the protagonist who worked so hard?]

Am I supposed to lie, and say I find it enjoyable? I do not delight in other people's suffering. Not even yours.

How pure and noble of you!

[ there is a sigh at that ]

I am not trying to antagonize you. And I am not trying to prove myself virtuous.

I am also a terrible person.

Yes. You are. Because you'll claim to not delight in other people's suffering, but delight in your own quite a bit!

Hypocrite that you are, do you really have room to comment on what kind of story mine is when you delight in destroying your own so much?

[ ONCE AGAIN he has to stay quiet for a few long moments, though he does let out a little mm of very clear, obvious annoyance. Do not treat Kim Dokja like Aglaea 2.0 Lyle will not be happy and unlike Aglaea this man might just off himself out of spite. Be strong. ]

I see. So this is a limit we could have negotiated earlier. We've found one for you.

[the want to point out that he WARNED HIM--but that does go to prove that they hit a limit and Kim Dokja very much wants to just erase this entire conversation to prevent that limit from being known again.]

Congratulations. I'm sure you're very proud of yourself in finding that and then when the conversation turns itself back to you, you won't acknowledge any limits because that would be admitting that you do have an area you don't like to have torn open.

I'd hate for you to have to admit such a thing to yourself.

...

My sister is one such limit. I've recently discussed her, and my feelings regarding her death, with Linnea. And I shut down.

It is not as if I believe I have none. It's simply easier to ignore them than acknowledge them.

What else do I need to share before you start thinking you have an equivalent amount of ammo against me? I will do that.

How about the fact that this means you lied earlier?

You had a known limit. You just didn't want to say it.

[this... this is what frustrates him! he was being honest! joke's on him! should stop doing that with this guy!]

I did not think it counted as one before I saw your reaction. I was reminded of my own and realized it now.

I am willing to let you put me on another forced obedience effect, if it would make you see that my attempts of understanding are sincere. Will you try to understand me as well?

[doesn't really believe that excuse, he definitely wouldn't put it passed this guy to lie about it and then make such a claim.

but he at least doesn't say that.]

... I'm sorry for your loss.

[he can at least acknowledge that much.]

I don't... know if obedience will necessarily lead to an understanding. And I don't know what will make me feel as if I have an equal measure of someone like you.

[ that's a bit better, so it at least makes him less of a hissy cat. ]

I did not mean to antagonize you with my commentary. And I apologize for hurting you with it. I will not be so careless again.

... As for my own limit. Linnea tried to comfort me by forwarding a hypothesis that she may have lived happily in different cycles. Different versions of the life I knew. That there must have been millions of lifetimes in which she wasn't taken early.

And that it was not my fault that she died.

That is what I could not accept and hear.

[ It's obvious he's saying that to level the playing field, deliberately giving him ammo against him ]

[the furrowed brow is one of someone who is. seeing a similarity. in someone that is NOT himself. and that's... hm. unsure how to feel about that.]

... in my experience, a brother isn't likely to find comfort in that. They'd rather keep suffering hell to make sure that their sister is safe in any timeline.

[Yu Junghyeok's feelings toward his sister... complicated but. just as extreme, honestly. never once forgave himself for any times she ended up dying, but especially not the first time.]

So it's not a tactic I would take to comfort someone.

...mm. It had the opposite effect. All the more so because I do remember two different timelines. The circumstances were different, but she still died.

[ a pause, and then he adds ]

You know someone who is trying to bring a loved one back, then.

... a regressor. Someone who could restart his life at the beginning of the Scenarios.

But it didn't mean he could bring anyone back.

[ The way he looks at him changes in a way that suggests something just piqued his interest ]

... Is that so. Does that mean he was the only one to go back with his memories intact, while the rest of the world went back to the start?

That is how it appeared to him, yes.

[ there is another annoyed noise ]

... mm.

Then that's the same as Phainon.

Phainon does have that protagonist-like energy.

[ crossing his arms at chest ]

He is a fool who would rather burn himself into a crisp than share his burdens. Had I not convinced him to take the role of Queen seriously he would have simply went on planning a happy end for everyone else. One that would not include him in it.

That hero complex of his is simply annoying.

[hey, wait, this sounds less like Yu Junghyeok suddenly?????

well, except... 999th Yu Junghyeok but--Yu Jungheyoks that Kim Dokja based his Scenarios run off of, hello??]

... why wouldn't he want himself included?

Edited 2025-09-03 19:16 (UTC)

That is a question you should pose to him. He thinks he can just suffer through 33 million cycles and have us accept that another "Deliverer" will bring us salvation. Without even asking us if we'd even want such a thing!

Ridiculous. That he'd be left behind was never agreed upon.

[

]

I have to go now.

[ the JUDGING look ]

Ah, so you have more in common with him too.

I have said nothing of the sort!

You are running away because you're also being scolded.

I. Have not even come close to 33 million, so why should I feel scolded?

Since you're the one acting so guilty, that is for you to say.

How you asked him why he doesn't consider himself?

Even I ended up scattering my stories instead of continuing that cycle, so actually, I'm the one doing much better?

[... this is fucked up reasoning but LISTEN,]

If I ask him he's going to say something foolish like "I'm not human anymore, I'm just a thing made for destruction".

I will concede you are doing better.

[... maybe he should ask Phainon how he became so okay with being that kind of existence. get some tips on accepting being that being of destruction...]

There, see?

Being better than Phainon is not a hard bar to clear. You should aim for higher than that.

You say that even though you chose him as your master?

You do know him succeeding will only enable him more?

[ he's quiet for a moment as he looks over Kim Dokja, like he's trying to decide whether he wants to share his actual plan or not. But then— ]

I do not truly need him to become Queen. I wish to observe this place and the powers it offer, and then steal such power for myself. I am wary of gifts from the gods. This place might not be Amphoreus, but gods are always the same. At least when it comes to those who act as if they are above humanity.

But I need him to be what ties us Chrysos Heir together. He has the presence for it, and he is well beloved by each one of us. That is why this plan is mine, but he is our Master.

Ideally, I should be able to grasp the secrets of this place before he's able to do something foolish.

You're wary of gifts from gods, but you're not wary of him trying something?

That's not it. Phainon doing something stupid is an eventuality I can account for. I know him, and I am hoping I will be able to restrain him. But whatever trick the gods have up their sleeve, I still don't know.

If you're operating off of some nebulous "hope" of some vague concept like "restraining him", then you're already going to lose.

Even without whatever "gods" are running the show in this place.

You said it already. He doesn't think of himself as human, necessarily? So you have to think of him more like a god in that sense. Otherwise, you're definitely going to lose to whatever "stupid" idea he has.

... mm.

It isn't as if I don't know that. I simply could not think of any other way to tie him back to his humanity. To myself and the people he loves.

I do not have anything better than "hope" and my own mind, to work with.

... I was able to get through to that regressor I knew.

But also... at the time, he only remembered two other turns. Even though he'd already been through 1,864 turns.

Being the only one to remember doesn't always means they remember exact details to everything. And I imagine after 33 million turns, he's likely forgotten some things over others. Holds tightly to the things he wants to.

Telling someone who only remembers three turns "you have to leave those other times behind and continue to live in just this one, there is no going back" was already difficult. And I'm not even sure what really convinced him in the end.

To tie him back to his humanity at this point would be a bit cruel...

[ he's quiet as he listens to Kim Dokja's explanation, and then he shakes his head ]

This isn't a matter of making him stop "resetting" our world. From my understanding, he's already done that and has merged himself with a being that is meant to bring destruction to the stars beyond Amphoreus - in an attempt to halt it, and buy us additional time. Had Phainon not held on for those 33 million cycles, not just Amphoreus, but all worlds beyond it would have also been destroyed.

If you wish for more details, you will have to ask him. I only remember two different cycles — one of which was after he'd merged himself with the Lord Ravager.

[oh okay. somehow does NOT burst into laughter because, OH. HE SEES...]

I'm surprised you think you can even convince him to do anything other than what he plans on doing, with this in mind, then.

I could say something like "just remove the god-like qualities from him", but you already provided the reason why you wouldn't. If you did such a thing, then all the universes are destroyed.

"Take away his memories of those 33 million cycles so he can relate to humanity more", but you again provided the reason why you wouldn't. Him living through those cycles means that those worlds and universes were saved.

You're tying your own hands. And that's why. It's a rather pointless endeavor.

But that's fine.

I don't plan to give over the Queen's crown to Phainon in the first place. And I'm someone who's destroyed over a thousand universes just for sheer entertainment, so I have no qualm in ruining one that needs to be ruined.

... He is still human. And he is still my student. I will not abandon him.

But you will do what's good for him.

Even if he won't like it, yes.

That is why we're similar.

At least we can agree on this point.

But I think I will talk with him just so I have a better understanding of other masters here. So far, I know there is Dan Feng, Linnea, and Phainon to contend with.

You will find that Phainon does not have that much drive toward the title of Queen. I believe he is simply indulging Mydeimos, Mydei and myself. It took some convincing for him to even contract with me, and then those two.

But perhaps you two fools may point at one another and realize your foolishness.

Unlike Phainon, I have plenty of drive to obtain Queen.

So don't get your hopes up too much.

As I have said, I do not truly need Phainon to become Queen. I only need him to climb up the ranks.

If I can observe you, then you could serve the same purpose.

And what does that entail, exactly?

Would you be surprised if I said I'd need to experiment on you?

No.

Experiment how?

Since I would be shooting in the dark, the first step would be to take samples of your blood - and then of varying tissues. There are different approaches, and most of them will fail. Obviously.

But the real question is whether you would be willing to let me do such a thing. Just because Phainon is not interested does not mean I am not also willing to carry him to victory, no matter how many times I have to destroy my body for it.

... so if you have someone to run those experiments on, you don't have a need to do them to yourself?

Only for the purpose of figuring out this place's power. This is assuming you do reach the position of Queen, and that I am willing to slow down enough to let you.

Any experimentation on myself is still on the table, so do not think you can convince me to stop with that.

[rolls his eyes]

The real problem is that drawing my blood... is drawing from my stories. Stories are a Constellation's life's blood, basically. I may not even be able to recall what fragment of stories you take with that.

[ what the fuck. Now he extra wants to examine his blood but he will cool his jets ]

And what of your skin?

Any part of me.

[when he said he scattered his stories he meant all of himself...]

Of course you'd be infuriating even as a test subject.

Did you think I was being metaphorical when talking about my stories?

No, because I already know you do not do well with metaphors. But even then I could not possibly imagine you're holding them together in your body.

They're in a library, technically.

[... the library is a fucking mess.]

[ this is a man who has found out he is essentially a computer program and he's still giving the most judgamental look to Kim Dokja ]

Is that so.

That is so.

Fine. Your stories held together in the library inside your body or mind.

Yes. Now you get it.

As I have said before. You are infuriating even as a test subject.

That's me. Infuriating in every situation.

[ he just. sighs ]

I will see if I can use you. But if not, our competition still stands. I could not trust Phainon to ally himself with you, in any case.

Strange way to put it, but that's fine.

Like I said, I don't plan to let him get to Queen before me.

I do wonder if the title will truly ever be reached by only one person. If it is a matter of waiting it out, Phainon's already lived for countless of years.

But why do you have such drive? Is it truly just to end your existence? Or is it for the sake of your servants?

For my Servants, yes.

But also... for others.

I'm not completely settled on my wish. It could be that end. Or it could be... finding a way to support things without going back to how it was before.

...mm. That would not be a terrible way to use this power. And perhaps simply having a goal is better for you.

We'll see which way it goes.

Then I only have one last thing to say. Do not make Lyle cry.

He will actually punch me, next time.

... I can't make any promises.

[Kim Dokja knows damn well his crimes are making people who care about him cry, even when he's not even trying for that.]

mm. At least you are honest.

If you have no questions for me, I will dismiss you.

You can dismiss me but that won't mean I'll leave?

[he'll leave when he wants to.]

I'm not your student.

Do you actually wish to spend further time with me, or are you just saying it out of pettiness?

I do not mind you staying.

[ a pause, then he adds ]

... No, I would like company.

... would you?

...mm.

I do not actually like solitude. And these days have been difficult. As I have said ... the time I spent with you was very enjoyable.

... isn't that because I commanded you to do so?

[okay, actually going to point this out now]

Yes. And what does that say about the both of us, that the only time we can truly enjoy ourselves is when we're forced to? When we've discarded reason.

[... ouch. got him there.]

Is that the kind of company you're wanting?

Why not? If I asked just about anyone else for company, it would turn into a much more annoying ordeal. Save for Linnea, perhaps.

I gave you the opportunity to leave. Whether you stay or not is up to you now.

[hmmm... seems to consider.]

... I have stashed away a fair amount of those candies. If you ever would like or need that sort of thing.

[ It's obvious he's considering it. His overall experience with candy has been negative, but there have been outliers, and Kim Dokja was one of them. He's quiet for a moment, but then. He will reach for him, holding onto whatever piece of cloth is close enough for him to get ]

... If I ask for them, then it will be to enjoy with you. Only with you.

[ he deliberately chooses the words to mirror the orders Kim Dokja gave him, looking at him, at his reaction to that. ]

[it's a complicated reaction.

because, he does very much remember wanting that, pursuing that, even, but... now he's able to think more clearly, feel the weight of all of his choices and the stories he has. and it feels like he shouldn't want that, shouldn't deserve someone saying something like that to him when it very likely will end up with someone getting hurt and not even on purpose or maybe on purpose because someone thinks they know better than the other.

... and yet, there really is the strong desire to just want to do something good that another person simply enjoys and there's no complications or hangups or even having to think about it.

damn.

what does it say about him, really? always wanting something of a fantasy over the reality?

he's not sure.

but he does reach out a hand to give Anaxa's hair a light tug.]

Then ask for them when you want something like that.

[ between the tug and his words his face does get red ]

... Is that another order? I will remember it.

[This is a text I won't bother formatting]

Not being alone and lonely are you?

[i will only bother formatting because i'm neurotic but we gucci]

? if you're texting, i'd assume you're the one alone and lonely?

[Hmmm well he can play it this way too.]

Aww, you worried about me?

You are texting me. Is everything alright?

I'm lonely, read me a story, keep me company.

[wow. he actually wrote it. he has receipts.]

Where are you?

[Easy to write when he's just using it to make Dokja spend time with him so Dokja isn't alone!]

Just out. Where should I meet you?

[Dokja: never once considering that he's being figured into the equation even though this convo literally started with that]

Grab some food from the cafe and then it's your choice between a hotel and my room in Diamonds.

[God this man is going to be so easy to take care of, how refreshing.]

Which room is yours? And how hungry are you?

[oh sweet summer child.

but he sends the info over about where he's at in Diamonds]

Not especially hungry, just thought snacks would be best if you plan to come over.

[There is no reply. But a bit later there is a knock on the door.]

[opening the door.

le gasp. he is not wearing the white coat for once! still wearing the dark button-up, though. a little pink in the cheeks because come to find out, orders in text messages count for that objective. Good. To. Know.]

That was quick?

I'm efficient.

[Cute. He has a bag of goodies. And also another bag?]

Blushing for me already?

Incidentally. You know that objective hits hard.

Mm. Can't let me pretend you just like seeing me?

[He will step into the apartment, if Dokja lets him, handing him the bag with various snacks. ]

[taking the bag... oh. did he hurt this guy's feelings with that or something? eyeing him for a moment before going to put the bag onto a table.]

I don't have to be blushing to be glad to see you.

[He doesn't look hurt. In fact he's wandering into the bathroom to... unpack a tooth brush and leave it on the counter? Then taking the bag to invade Dokja's room, unpacking a change of clothes and pjs to shove in his closet.]

Sure sure.

[when other servants got their own apartments or other places and then this one just makes himself at home?

... there's a feel somewhere. Kim Dokja doesn't know what to do with this feel.]

With all the self-care things, I'm surprised you didn't bring more.

[anyway, checking out what's in the bag now]

[He has his own place. But he figured Dokja probably doesn't have enough people invading his. In fact he's checking subtly to see if anyone else has left their mark in this apartment as he makes himself at home.

He's too aware of what it's like living isolated. He intends to leave enough evidence of his presence that Dokja has it around him all the time, even when he doesn't come to crash. Which he intends to. Often.

The bag has snacks. Fried chicken, pasta salad, chips, just easy to eat things.]

Couldn't carry it all. I'll bring more tomorrow.

[probably Gigan has left some stuff here or there. evidence of Lyle sleeping here and Brant poking at him, but nothing substantially lived in, probably, other than what faint traces even Kim Dokja barely leaves of himself.

... getting some chips.]

More? [sounds faintly bemused as he opens the chip bag] I'm curious what'd you even thought to bring?

[He would laugh. He and Kim Dokja really do live similarly. Utilitarian. Only the necessities.

Well. Whatever. That's why he decided to come harass the guy and move things into his apartment so he isn't so sad and alone. Maybe so both of them aren't. He'll flop on the couch like he owns the place.]

Skin and hair products obviously. Any requests?

Not really. I'm pretty self-sufficient.

[munches on a chip, watching him.]

Okay.

What?

[amused]

You're already so comfortable?

I would be more comfortable if you brought me a pillow and blanket.

[munches a chip.]

Who is the Servant here, again?

Oh, do you want to be pampered?

[.......... wait.]

Maybe I just want some entertainment? I've indulged you with stories and the like, haven't I?

Yeah? How can I entertain you?

Tell me a story, this time.

You... know I don't really know any, right? I'm not like you, I don't really read or anything.

[He pats the couch next to him though.]

[moving to sit next to him]

Stories don't have to be just something you've read or anything like that. That's a bit narrow, and I know most archetypal stories, anyway.

[??]

So... what do you want to hear then?

If I knew that, I wouldn't bother asking. I'd just seek it out.

Oh. I guess so...

[Well fuck he doesn't know what to say. He's not good at coming up with entertaining things that aren't sexual. What even kind of story is he supposed to tell? He didn't exactly have a childhood where stories featured. It was all survival and blood. Dokja said it didn't have to be a normal story but...??]

Um... I might not be smart enough to be entertaining.

Aloys... you're plenty smart.

Devious, even.

Devious is different from smart. I'm cunning and underhanded too. But I don't really... Know much?

What makes you think I'm devious though?

Academically intelligent isn't the only "smart" there is. If that was the case, people like me wouldn't have been tormented by bullies for having "stupid" interests growing up.

[JUST SAYING. but then swiftly moving on like he didn't just show that old wound,]

And you just said it? You're cunning and underhanded. Practiced with it. It's not a bad thing to be devious, so long as it's beneficial. And even then, it's not like I could judge.

[he can be devious af]

[He keeps learning new things lately. Like Anaxa revealing there are books on sex and what has he missed by not being interested in reading??

And now apparently it's possible to only have a bare bones education and still be "smart". What is the world even coming to.]

...Huh.

You know it's weird to me to think of someone being bullied for being into books.

What kind of devious are you then?

The kind who has tricked people into having to kill him a few times.

...I know most people would think my hobby isn't really legit but I'm gonna say it.

Have you considered better hobbies?

[He's going to drape his legs over Dokja's thighs, getting comfortable.]

[... rests his hands on those legs.]

It wasn't a hobby. It was just the only way to get to the end I wanted to see.

Yeah? And what end is that?

One where no one had to be sacrificed.

... it was unrealistic. Someone still died, and someone still had to sacrifice themselves in order to maintain that reality.

"No one". Does that ever include you?

... I said it was an unrealistic expectation.

Is being unrealistic so bad?

That depends on the scale of it.

What do you mean?

I mean that there's consequences for the bigger the scale.

You have to be more specific for that to make any sense, you know?

I don't really want to get into the specifics, though...

Okay.

[Accepting. He'll lean over the man and steal a chip.]

[lets him steal chip]

... I'm just... tired of my own story.

Yeah. I got that impression early on.

I don't really have any good ones to share though. I wish I did.

It's fine if you don't.

...Is it?

It is.

Don't worry so much.

Being worried and insecure is like my default state.

How am I supposed to relax if you're not relaxed?

I don't know. That's why I have so much sex. It's super easy to relax when you're getting railed.

Not sure if stories compare. But that's clearly your favorite thing so I can try?

I'd rather people not make things harder on themselves.

If it's not your thing, it's not your thing.

... though I will say... I don't find it that easy to relax when it's sexual. The only times it's been easy has been when I've been affected by something.

You don't like sex then? Or nuts get anxious?

It's not that I don't like it...

[seems to pause, actually considering words. it's Aloys, so it's not like there's going to be any real judgement, after all?]

It's just... a lot. And before this place... I. Pretty much. Didn't have any real experience with it. And, well... interest in men wasn't... my first thought. I only noticed attraction to women.

So it's just a lot. Almost too much.

[especially without Fourth Wall separating him out from everything...]

Sometimes, I think it's probably better to just dive into the deep end, but other times... it feels like I'd rather tear off my own skin than deal with the overwhelm.

[There is in fact a complete lack of judgement, just listening.]

I guess that makes sense. Between being the isolated kid and whatever was going on that made you all powerful and cagey, physical intimacy being a lot... Well yeah.

I can't say I know what you're feeling, physicality is all I've really known my whole life. But I think I can see how it would be a lot.

Sometimes though, being a lot is kind of the point. Being overwhelmed is part of what makes sex appealing to me, because then you don't have to think. And boy do you seem like a guy who could do without thinking for a while.

But that's just from my perspective. I really don't know if that would make you feel better or worse.

I don't know, either.

I do know... that that challenge with the candies was okay for me. It was... nice. But I do know that wasn't the case for everyone and some people were pretty shitty about it. So even that, I'm having to be careful with.

[100% has stashed candies, yep.]

Well I'm always up for shit like that if it comes around again, if you want to have a nice time with someone who won't be weird about it later.

But... Basically you just overthink, right?

That's part of it...

[your Master is actually an introverted nerd who got bullied a lot, it's tough, actually.]

The other part... for a long while, I had a certain ability. It was fairly sentient, even, and kept me company even when there wasn't anyone else around. It protected me from the worst of the Scenarios, from even my own emotions even when I did want to feel them.

[hands are gonna. knead a little a Aloys' legs' muscles, just for something to do. massage time is a good anxiety outlet, right?]

I haven't had access to that ability in almost three months. That's... part of the overwhelm.

... some of the others know or are aware about that, but I don't think I've managed to be very clear on how much it does affect me.

Edited 2025-12-03 00:21 (UTC)

[Oh. Nice. He relaxes back more, yes, pamper him for stress relief.]

Huh. So like... Some kind of mental barrier that was also your friend? That sounds handy.

I mean even without it being a buffer it must be lonely right? If it hasn't been here for months and you were used to it always being there.

[... oh.

yeah. Aloys isn't wrong with that read of it.]

Right... even though I can reach for pretty much any other skill... I can't seem to access that one at all.

So not only are you missing a buffer on things you're also missing a constant friend. Of course you're going to feel kind of cruddy.

I don't know what to do about that but if you like being removed and quiet, isn't it fine to just be removed and quiet?

Just do it with someone nearby for the loneliness part. Be removed and quiet together or something.

... I'm very good at removing myself and at being quiet and patient. Those are definitely skills I've perfected over centuries, even.

[pauses for a moment.]

But... I've said I'm not decided on what I'll do for myself when I get to Queen. If it's one path, then surely doing the same as always is fine. In fact, it'd be easier.

Right, the delete yourself path, why bother to change, just endure until you don't exist.

But what about the other one?

... that one... I've been thinking about it, but.

[gonna pull hard on Aloys' legs to pull him toward himself, sliding him onto the couch more so he's easier to lean over.]

I'm still not sure--does hearing about how it actually is lessen this approach any?

[Uh. Buddy. If you're going to say sex makes you feel overwhelmed why are you acting so sexy? He can't help just, blushing and looking at Dokja, caught by surprise.]

No--you're still unfairly hot.

[he did also say he thinks about throwing himself into a deep end. if he drowns, well... fuck him, he guesses?]

"Unfairly"...

[why is that so funny?

tapping a finger on Aloys' nose. boop.]

Good. Because I do think I have fun with you, even if what I said is the reality of it.

[Well being booped does lessen the tension of suddenly Dokja being sexy.

He reaches up to ruffle his hair.]

Good. I have fun too.

But you're kind of veering off the whole "what if stay alive" topic huh?

[wow, don't ruffle his hair when he's topping, that's rude? but actually... nice?]

Obviously, I can't keep doing the same thing if I go that route.

But I've performed for a lot of different people for a lot of different reasons. I'm... tired. So it's not that simple, either.

[This man is starved for so much affection huh? He goes from ruffling to just, carding his fingers through his hair, pets.]

What if you just stopped performing and were yourself? Would that be bad?

Is there some reason Kim Dokja can't just want to live and be himself?

[and terrible at recognizing how starved he is. mildly distracted but tilting his head into it, for once.]

... and who would that be?

[He keeps petting then. Soft.]

That bad, huh...?

Mm... who knows?

[maybe he doesn't have access to his Wall, but there are still some internalized barriers he can run into and this is definitely... well, less a wall, more a chasm barely held together.

but he's ignoring that in favor of lifting a hand to settle it to Aloys's face, touching, feeling. just kind of watching him.]

[He leans into the touch, eyes half closing. He's still petting Dopkja's hair.]

I mean I can't speak from experience, but being a "person" is probably overrated anyway.

Yeah? Why do you think that?

[if he thinks about that period of time he had Brant's anger and it was just easier to act on...

he's gonna lean down to kiss at Aloys' neck. rude when he just asked a question, really.]

Because I'm not really a person and I'm not doing so badly.

[His breath hitches as he answers, sliding his fingers down through Dokja's hair to knead the back of his neck. His own chin tilting up to bare his neck for the man to kiss easier.]

[lets his head tip forward more, feeling that. and taking full advance of throat being bared to kiss and even bite at the skin there. he does shift a bit more, adjusts his positioning on the couch so his torso isn't as twisted.]

What makes someone a person?

Ah...

[Fuck this is nice. His fingers dig in a little harder, encouraging and holding on at the bite, his blush deepening.]

Fuck if I know. Always... Assumed you'd be able to tell if you were one, though.

[thinking about it... right. this guy is a legit masochist...

hand going... to Aloys' throat. and applying some pressure even while he keeps working at his neck, working his way back up to that pierced ear of his.]

That's a bold assumption. I don't think I was ever raised with the right idea, come to think of it.

Like I said it's... just an assumption. I don't know shit about being a person.

[Genuine masochist here, purely into pain for the sake of it without any need for objectives. He moans softly, raking his nails lightly against Kim Dokja's skin in encouragement, more.]

What--what's the right idea, then?

If I knew that, would I have had to struggle so much?

[there's a shiver running down his own back at the catch of nails on his skin before he puts more pressure on Aloys' throat while using a knee to nudge between his legs.]

[His thighs part eagerly, absolutely slutty in the way he leans into every touch, how hard he is easy enough to feel through his pants. How Dokja choking him lightly is clearly feeling pretty blissful to him.

He swallows, adam's apple bobbing under Dokja's palm, having more difficulty with that, with forming words. Just noting the way Dokja responds to his nails and raking them down his spine under his shirt. His words equally breathless with the pressure against his throat as they are with desire.]

Ssswhy I said... don't need to be a person.

Guess that's a fair point.

[he is... in fact... a little envious? that it's this easy for Aloys? but at the same times, having seen just glimpses of Aloys' story thanks to those signs that one time--

and then he's distracted by those nails again. opts to press the heel of his free hand against that hard cock still in those pants. not being gentle at all, really]

Think I might just have too much pride, also.

Mm, pride... will be a problem. Maybe that's what makes you a person?

[Hm the roughness just makes him gasp in pleasure, rocking up against Dokja's hand needily. Nails dragging back up his spine, one hand slipping out of his shirt to grip the front, as he pants for air.]

Are you... concerned...? About what makes you "you"?

Edited 2025-12-03 06:20 (UTC)

That's only natural.

There's not really that much pleasant, if I'm honest.

[all of his stories are only painful, lonely, or the source of other people's loneliness and pains. even if he loves them all so very much, enough to keep doing it again and again. it's that kind of feeling making his gut twist into knots because couldn't it be seen as the same here, what he's doing? causing pain to cause pleasure?

he lets up on the pressure on Aloys' throat a bit.]

Though it's also... I guess if you ever see my library, you'd be able to understand it a bit.

[It's hard to think when he's turned on but he's not so far gone he's not still invested in this conversation He takes a deeper breath, now that he's allowed to a little. And then raises both hands to frame Dokja's face and pull his head down, meeting his eyes. Voice still thick with arousal but also intense, trying to make a point.]

've been nothing but... A vessel. Fucktoy. Tool. Doll. Sacrifice. All my life. Since... Forever. Never been a person. Never... Never. Most of my stories... Aren't pleasant. They suck, even. I suck too.

But even--even so. Someone like me exists. And wants to keep existing.

So why not you? Whoever Kim Dokja is or whatever, that can be figured out. Isn't... Isn't it just enough to want to? Doesn't being unsure about it mean you want to?

It's okay to exist. Whatever or whoever you are is--it's whatever. It isn't as important as you actually being around to figure it out.

What--what I'm saying is it's okay for things to suck, it's okay even if you suck, you're allowed to still want to be alive anyway.

[Saying this is hard. Not just because he's a little choked. It's emotionally difficult to admit a lot of that and the struggle is obvious, the tears at the corners of his eyes from too much feelings, the sheer terror of saying stuff like that out loud to someone like this. Because admitting these things is vulnerability. Because if Kim Dokja rejects that premise, it will be a little too personal. Hurt a little too deeply.

But even if it means hurting, who else is going to tell Kim Dokja he's allowed to want to exist? He didn't have a twin to drag him through things. Whatever mental barrier he did have isn't around now either, so even if he's not really alone, what's the difference if he feels alone?]

[well, it doesn't seem like Dokja's rejecting the premise, just... the premise does hurt. and he's especially aware of Aloys being the one to say it which is awful in a different way because Dokja knows Aloys had an objectively worse life.

little apocalypses every day, death by a thousand papercuts... maybe if looking back on the Scenarios didn't carry with it Fourth Wall's interference...]

[but then rather than use words that can't get passed the knot in his throat, Dokja pushes forward in those hands so he can kiss Aloys more properly. more intense than planned and probably harder, pushing for more quick and immediately because it's really the only way he can think to convey just how much those words to cut into him because they're so very close to accurate.]

[That's not an outright rejection or argument which is a way better reaction than he could have hoped for.

He slides one hand into Dokja's hair, tangling there to keep him pulled tight, the other going around his back, equally tight. He's a little bigger than this man, and muscular enough for the hold to feel firm and reassuring.

Even though he's kissing him back with equal intensity and emotion, he's trying to convey some kind of feeling of safety here. Sometimes you just need to be held real tight and kissed real deep because articulating things is hard. He may only really feel he's good at offering comfort physically, but being held is physical. He's happy to hold this man who seems like he is starving for years of neglected hugs, actually.]

[can't believe he went from getting a man hot and bothered on a couch and now he's highkey wanting to cry while kissing and being held. this is so pathetic, actually, but Aloys is not wrong about Dokja being Needing To Be Held shaped, even if he's usually a standoffish rat bastard about it.

just this time, he lets go a little, letting his body settle more on top of Aloys.]

[Sometimes you go from making out, to making out and wanting to cry.

He keeps his hold tight, absolutely not planning on letting go, trying to convey that in the firmness of his hold. He'll kiss Dokja for as long as the man wants, and then when they have to break for air, he'll pull Dokja's face against his shoulder and kiss his temples and hair.]

The familiar acted the way she did because she was overcome with existential despair and deemed that it was better for all life to end than to endure the suffering of existence. Hermes accepted and supported her decision, and took action to make sure she could not be stopped in time.
I cannot tell you what Hermes was thinking, but it is possible he believed his troubles would not be taken seriously. This troubling possibility is something I have been considering quite often of late, as no citizen of Amaurot should have to feel they cannot speak up about their views.
As I told you, Hermes was not moved from his post as a solution to his problems. Had anyone been aware how much he was suffering, he would have been offered therapy at the very least. I understand that is not sufficient in your opinion, but altering systems based on the preferences of a single individual is not how government is typically run. Had Hermes been outspoken about his beliefs, or had others come forth to say they shared them, that would have been another thing.

I would ask you not to make further assumptions about what thoughts I have or have not entertained, but perhaps that would be too much of a challenge.

[well.

... when you have Thoughts about Why Hermes Might Have Gone Along With It and it involves knowing that his concerns about whether or not "the familiar" would be seen as an individual entity with her own conscious and pain due to lack of a soul, BUT... you, for once, do recognize there's no point in pointing that out.

there is a bunch of start and stop of typing though before a message is sent:]

Thank you for answering those questions. It does clarify some things.

And I will apologize for my assumptions. I know I am a difficult personality to deal with, so I don't blame you for being angry.

I am considering going to the theater to have our bond removed.

[gonna be a long moment of just staring at his phone...]

Is there anything that would convince you reconsider that? If you're already decided, I won't stop you. I won't keep anyone who doesn't want to be kept.

[this time there's a long pause on themis's side]

I did not expect you would ask me to reconsider.

Maybe I'm just poor at communicating, but my opinions of societal structures aside, I haven't actually had any issues with you personally? I'm well aware I may be reading things wrong, and you're well within your rights to be frustrated with a poor reader of your story.

But I am a reader with a habit of trying again to see if I can't get more from a second, third, fourth, or even more time through.

[... wait. this is the thing about not seeing people as people but as characters in a story again, isn't it?]

What I mean is, I won't FIGHT you if you've already got your mind set. But I will ask if there's anything I can do differently to get the right view of things.

Though, I will admit, I will probably still be very frustrating to deal with. Unfortunately, it is a feature and not a bug that I make people infuriated at times. Honestly, you should just follow their suit and hit me when that happens. It seems like people get some catharsis from that, at the very lest.

[another long pause]

You are indeed poor at communicating. I was under the impression that you do not particularly care about my story over the opinions you already hold.

I think I operate more like... the more opinions I have, the more I care about the story.

They may not be the best opinions and I could be wrong about what I'm saying... but I wouldn't be saying them if I didn't care? That's a lot of energy to use.

I should note that you do not need to be my Master to hear my story.

I don't, but I do want to be a decent Master, if I can.

If you've already decided I can't be a decent Master for you, then, again, I won't fight you on it.

I suppose I am just not entirely sure why you even want to be my Master.

I am, admittedly, not very good at understanding my own wants.

I see.

Perhaps that is something worth examining.

I don't disagree...

Then I will keep our contract on the condition that you make an effort to cultivate a greater understanding of yourself.

[................. w-wait.]

That's not really a measurable condition? Is there a specific limit or point? Or is it just your judgement? How am I supposed to quantify that?

[man used to work QA, he's immediately in a panic]

You do not need to quantify it. I will tell you if you are doing enough or not :)

[no. why.

he's going to fail...]

I see...

I'll try.

That is all I am asking.

[bit of a pause]

Thank you.

There is no need to thank me.

Not everyone in the worlds are willing to give chances and you had plenty of reasons to not want to.

So thank you.

You are welcome, I suppose.

And I'll try to rein in my commentary in the future.

[he just has a lot of feelings and opinions about Broken Societies, okok]

I would appreciate it. My people and our society are very important to me, so it is difficult to rein in my temper when I hear ignorant comments regarding them.

[man, probably Themis would probably hate to know Dokja is thinking about that time Emet-Selch got For Real Upset with Dokja, so he's definitely not going to comment on that and instead type, after a moment:]

I understand.

Thank you.

Court Inbox

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